Democratic Convention Schedule

11:15 AM
Free lunch, medical marijuana, and bus ride to the Convention
Forms distributed for Food Stamp enrollment.
1:30 PM
Group Voter Registration for Illegal Immigrants.
3:15 PM
Address on “Being the Real You”
Rachel Dolezal, former Head of the Seattle NAACP and
Caitlyn Jenner
4:30 PM
“How to Bank $200 Million as a
Public Servant and claim to be broke”
Hillary Clinton
4:45 PM
How to have a successful career
Without ever having a job, and
Still avoid paying taxes!
A Seminar Moderated by Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson
5:00 PM
Medals of Freedom presentation to
Army deserter Bo Bergdahl
For serving with Honor and Distinction
National Security Advisor Susan Rice
5:30 PM
Invitation-only Autograph Session
Souvenir photographs of Hillary and
Chelsea dodging Sniper Fire in Bosnia
6:30 PM
General vote on praising Baltimore rioters,
And on using the terminology
“Alternative Shoppers” instead of “Looters”
7:30 PM
Breakout session with Bill Clinton
For women on avoiding the upcoming draft
8:30 PM
The White House “Semantics Committee” Meeting
General vote on re-branding “Muslim Terrorism” as
“Random Acts of Islamic Over-Exuberance”
9:00 PM
“Liberal Bias in Media“ How we can make it work for you!
Tutorial sponsored by CBS, NBC, ABC, CNN, PBS,
The Washington Post and the New York Times
With Guest Speaker Brian Williams
9:15 PM
Tribute Film to the Brave Freedom Fighters
Still incarcerated at GITMO
Michael Moore
9:45 PM
Personal Finance Seminar –
“Businesses Don’t Create Jobs”
Special guest Pocahontas
aka Elizabeth Warren
11:00 PM
Short film “Setting Up Your Own Illegal
Email Server While Serving in A
Cabinet Post and How to Pretend
It’s No Big Deal”
Hosted by Hillary Clinton
11:30 PM
Official Nomination of Hillary
Bill Maher and Chris Matthews

Hillary’s vase throwing getting out of hand


The type of vase Hillary Clinton throws depends on how angry she is at the time.

Exclusive: Conservative News Online has learned that Hillary Clinton’s temper is so volcanic that she employs a campaign staffer full-time to purchase vases and clean up the broken shards after she throws them at her staff and husband.

“Mrs. Clinton goes through so many vases in any given week that we’re practically keeping Pottery Barn afloat,” said a staffer who asked to remain anonymous.

Clinton’s penchant for throwing vases is detailed in a new book by former secret service agent Gary Byrne, “Crisis of Character.” The first chapter, which is titled “The Vase,” describes hearing a nasty argument between the Clintons one night and finding the next day that a light blue vase had been “smashed to bits” and the president was sporting a “real, live, put-a-steak-on-it black eye.”

The incident was part of a pattern with the first lady who liked to scream obscenities at her husband, Secret Service personnel and White House staffers — all of whom lived in fear of her next tirade, Byrne wrote.

She’s now upped her game and goes through 10-15 vases per week, especially when things are not going well in the campaign, according to the staffer.

“We can tell how mad she is by which vases she chooses to hurl,” she said. “When Sanders won Colorado, Minnesota, Oklahoma and Vermont on Super Tuesday, she went bonkers and hurled these lovely cobalt vases all over the war room.

“But when the story came out about Bill sleeping with 2,000 women, she wasn’t that mad, just lightly tossing a glass bud vase at his forehead. Whenever you see Bill looking unfocused on the campaign trail, you can be sure he got some vase-face recently.”

A Pottery Barn spokesman declined to comment, saying that transactions by its high rollers are kept confidential.

Hillary’s smoking gun yoga email

Was Clinton’s yoga email story a pose?

Exclusive: Conservative News Online has uncovered a Hillary Clinton yoga email exchange that appears to be a thinly veiled pay-to-play scheme with Saudi Arabia.

The “smoking gun” email is one of more than 30,000 that were deleted before the former secretary of state’s server was wiped clean. It is an exchange between “Alvin Saud” and Clinton aide Huma Abedin in which they discuss exchanging a yoga pose for a cookie recipe.


Original Message
From: Alvin Saud
Sent: Thursday, September 03, 2009 11:10 AM
To: H2
Cc: Abedin, Huma
Subject: Yoga
Need Yoga pose. I have chocolate chip cookie recipe.
Can meet:
Fri. 10am
Sat. 11am
Mon. 10am
CLASSIFIED U.S. Department of State Case No. F-2014-20439 Doc No. C05764398 Date: 07/31/2015


CLASSIFIED U.S. Department of State Case No. F-2014-20439 Doc No. C05764398 Date: 07/31/2015
Abedin, Huma <
Thursday, September 03, 2009 11:13 AM
Alvin Saud; H2
RE: Yoga
Hrc is going to be in riyadh tomorrow. Taking the 2pm flight.
Will bring one-legged king pigeon pose.
Need 10 million chips in cookie recipe.

State Department records confirm that Clinton was in Saudi Arabia on Sept. 4, 2009 on what was labeled “a fact-finding mission.” There is no mention of her meeting with an Alvin Saud.

But records show that she did meet behind closed doors with Saudi King Salman bin Abdulaziz Al Saud, emerging two minutes later with several large briefcases.

An FBI source said the bureau is investigating the matter. “The one-legged king pigeon pose may be a reference to the launch code for the SS-18 Satan missile,” the source said.
In a March 2015 press conference on the email controversy, Clinton said her deleted emails were solely “private” and “personal” dealing only with yoga routines, wedding plans, funeral arrangements and vacations.

Update: The Clinton campaign released a statement denying the CNO report along with a photo of the Democratic presidential nominee doing the one-legged king pigeon pose.Hillary Yoga

“Mrs. Clinton has been doing yoga since she was six,” the campaign said. “She’s also a chocoholic, thus the reference to wanting a cookie recipe with 10 million chocolate chips.”

Couric struck dumb on falsified gun documentary

Couric just stared straight ahead saying nothing during repeated questioning.

Katie Couric sat down with Conservative News Online to defend the manipulation of video footage in her documentary “Under the Gun” that made it look like gun rights supporters were unable to answer a question about background checks.

CNO: You and the director of the film have been criticized for inserting nine seconds of silence from gun rights supporters when audio shows that there was actually a lot of response from them to your question. Why did you do that?

Couric: [silence]

CNO: Do you think this reflects poorly on your journalistic reputation?

Couric: [silence, stares straight ahead]

CNO: Why should anyone believe anything in your documentary after seeing how you have doctored the footage to make the pro-gun rights side look bad?

Couric: [silence, moves glasses from her right hand to her left]

CNO: In your graduation address last year at the University of Wisconsin you said, “Success is about becoming the kind of person you want to be.” Is engaging in deceptive reporting the kind of person you want to be?

Couric: [silence, crosses her legs to place the left leg on top]

CNO: You also told the grads that wonderful people are “the people who exude honesty, integrity, compassion and generosity.” Do you consider it honest to doctor footage to make one side of a controversial issue look bad?

Couric: [silence, adjusts glasses, recrosses legs]

CNO: You concluded your advice to the grads by saying, “be good, good to yourselves and good to each other. Be careful; be caring.” Do you feel that you have lived up to that advice with this documentary?

Couric: [silence, looks at watch]

CNO: We appreciate your time. Is there anything at all you’d like to say about this controversy?

Couric: [silence, stares straight ahead with frozen smile]

Update: Conservative News Online has been accused of doctoring its interview with Couric, making her look bad by inserting silence when she actually answered the questions. CNO Publisher Stone Forest has issued the following response:

“Our intention was to provide a pause for the reader to have a moment to consider these important questions before presenting the facts on Couric’s falsified documentary. We never intended to make anyone look bad and we apologize if anyone felt that way.”

Bill, Hillary both ogled Aguilera’s breasts

Christina Aguilera Hillary Clinton
Just after this photo was taken, Bill elbowed in and also started ogling Aguilera’s “girls.”

Conservative News Online has learned that both Bill and Hillary Clinton competed to get a good look at pop singer Christina Aguilera’s breasts during a fundraiser for the Clinton campaign.

“I was just standing talking to a friend when suddenly Hillary butts in and starts staring at my bosoms,” Aguilera told Ellen Degeneres. “Next thing I know, Bill horned his way between us and also stared at my girls.

“I said, ‘Hey, guys, my eyes are up here,’ pointing to where my eyes are. Bill leered and said, ‘I know, but your tits are down there.’ Then he high-fived Hillary as they went on staring for a good three minutes. I was flattered. It’s amazing, it’s awesome. They both support the girls.”

A Clinton campaign spokesman issued a statement: “Mrs. Clinton has never met Christina Aguilera and never seen her breasts either clothed or unclothed. But she respects women’s breasts and will be their champion when she becomes president.”

Bill Clinton also issued a statement: “I did not have visual relations with that woman, Ms. Aguilera. These allegations are false.”

Clinton: ‘Energizer’ mistress actually a bunny

Clinton House Bunny
Clinton: Energizer Bunny visited home in Chappaqua to replace smoke alarm batteries.

The Hillary Clinton campaign has released a photo of the Energizer Bunny outside Bill and Hillary Clinton’s home in Chappaqua to counter charges that Bill has a mistress code-named “Energizer.”

“The Energizer Bunny is under contract to change the batteries in our home’s smoke alarms twice a year,” said the Democratic presidential candidate. “So all of this nonsense about a mistress is just a distraction from the real issue – the damage Donald Trump would do to America.”

The Wall Street Journal is reporting that Julie McMahon, a close personal friend of Bill, benefited from $2 million that the Clinton Global Initiative steered toward her company. The blonde bombshell is believed to be “Energizer,” a frequent visitor to the Clinton home when Hillary is away.

“This is all a mixup,” said Bill Clinton. “That $2 million was for changing the batteries in our smoke alarms twice a year.”

Wagging his finger, the former president added, “But I want to say one thing to the American people. I want you to listen to me, I’m going to say this again. I did not have sexual relations with that bunny. These allegations are false. And I need to go back to work for the American people.”

Republican presidential nominee Donald Trump isn’t buying it.

“It’s a bombshell, there’s no doubt about it – and I’m not just talking about the blonde,” said Trump. “People have been talking about it for a couple of years.”